Christmas Shoes: What do you do when your shoes no longer fit?

Wear shoes on your feet which are the Good News of peace.

—Ephesians 6:15 NLV

                    

Carefully, I removed a shiny blue bulb from a paper carton and placed it on a welcome branch. My reflection bounced back at me, and my breath caught in my throat. At age 10, I couldn’t quite put into words the reverence for the Christmas season, but I felt it in my heart—a warmth that radiated from the surrounding family members, all engaged in preparing for a Savior’s birth.

I was the oldest of my parents’ (then) five children, and true to birth order traits, I became an achiever and a perfectionist. To me, Christmas was the most perfect season and everything about Christmas had to be done with perfection. That included decorating the tree, under Mom’s careful supervision. Ornaments had to be perfectly placed, evenly spaced, and no same colors next to one another. The angel had to top the tree, and tinsel had to be draped perfectly over the ends of every extended bough. Once decorating was complete, all could exhale a simultaneous “Aaahhh.”

That’s what we were doing that afternoon on December 18, 1971. All of us—my siblings, my parents, my grandfather, and myself—were sitting around the living room admiring the Christmas tree. A beautiful moment to be frozen in time.

“A pretty tree,” Granddaddy remarked in a whisper, not for effect but because his vocal chords had been affected by a stroke.

Yes, it’s perfect, I thought. Then I glanced down at my shoes and noted that not all was perfect. My shoes were worn out, my toes scrunched inside. I couldn’t wear these on Christmas. I had to have new shoes, and I had to convince my parents to take me shopping.

After hours of my relentless begging, my parents caved and corralled us all in the station wagon, all except for Granddaddy. He would stay home and await the return of Grandmamma, who had been away for several days visiting my aunt who recently had surgery.

We shared the large two-story farmhouse with my grandparents. Grandmamma didn’t drive, so she relied on a family member to transport her, this time my cousin. The two were expected to arrive soon.

At the department store, my eyes fell on a pair of two-tone brown oxfords with striped laces. The sales clerk measured my foot, then brought out a pair in my size. I tried them on. Perfect! I kept them on for the trip home, admiring them in the mirror as we walked out.

Meanwhile, back at the farmhouse, the telephone rang. Again and again. But Granddaddy didn’t answer it. Ever since the stroke, he refused to answer the phone because the caller wouldn’t hear his whispered “hello.” The telephone continued to ring. Still Granddaddy didn’t answer it, but he worried. Could something have happened to Grandmamma?

Granddaddy’s worrying that night brought on another stroke, which took his life.

Crushed by the death of my beloved grandfather, I couldn’t help but think it wouldn’t have happened if we had been home. If only I hadn’t begged to have my own way, Granddaddy wouldn’t have died. I blamed myself.

Suddenly, those once perfect shoes became the ugliest I would ever wear.

Me, front left, wearing a smile on the outside (and the shoes) but hiding what I wore on my heart

Every December 18th that followed I thought of those ugly shoes. Even though I eventually outgrew the oxfords, I continued to wear shoes of shame well into adulthood.

Many years later I visited my parents on December 18th and the death of Granddaddy entered our conversation. “If only I had’ve unplugged the phone that day,” my father said.

I gasped. My father blamed himself.

“But I always thought it was my fault! If only I hadn’t begged to go shopping for new shoes,” my voice trailed off.

“And if only the caller hadn’t let the phone ring on and on,” my father added.

I realized then that many others could have blamed themselves. Maybe they did. If only my aunt didn’t have surgery. If only Grandmamma hadn’t been away. If only my cousin hadn’t been running late.

“If Granddaddy had’ve answered the phone,” my mother pointed out.

Truly, it was not my fault or anyone else’s. The Bible says, “It is appointed for man to die” (Hebrews 9:27). The timing is up to God. All things are under His control.

How many things have we carried around for years, stemmed from one moment in time, frozen in our mind, stopping us frozen in our tracks from moving forward into all that God has promised for us?

It is time for us to heed Apostle Paul’s admonition:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Let us throw off those ill-fitting, debilitating shoes of shame or anything else that hinders our journey! If we are in Christ, we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), homeward bound at our appointed time.

The Message explains it this way: “Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing” (2 Corinthians 5:17 MSG).

Christmas is the perfect time for a fresh start. The Messiah arrived for that very reason—to bring peace between us and God and peace in our relationships with each other and ourselves. Jesus is God’s perfect Christmas gift.

Let us open God’s gift by opening our hearts to Jesus. Let us accept His forgiveness for our sins and forgive ourselves too. Let us submit to his transformation of our lives, no longer stymied by negative thoughts. He set us free from sin and bondage by His death on the cross, the one perfect moment frozen in time for all humanity. No longer do we need to perform for His love and acceptance or strive for perfection.

His gift is not based on performance. It is by His grace that we have been set free (Ephesians 2:8-9). It’s time to throw off those old shoes of shame and put on Good News shoes of peace.

Dear God,

Thank You for Your indescribable gift (2 Corinthians 9:15)! Today I open my heart to Jesus. Thank You Jesus for setting me free by Your death on the cross. You have released me from the bondage of shame. Now when I look on the inside, may I only see Your reflection bouncing back at me. Help me to walk in my new way of living, wearing shoes of peace as I share the Good News with others. Amen.